A Talk With God
by Invader Derp
Summary: Basically what it sounds like. Gaz has rejected God her whole life. Well God decided, "NUH UH BRA!" So he does exactly what you can guess. YUP THIS IS A ONESHOT FOLKS! Rated T for Gaz's dirty little mouth.


A/N: Another Anti-Gaz? It's like I'm slowly turning into Zim'sMostLoyalServant. But I enjoy making these Anti-Gaz fics. So I was debating what this one should be, I was thinking of three options: A much better made parody of "It's a Wishful Life," or "One Coarse Meal," but then I decided on this. By the way, this contains elements from ngrey651's "Only God Can Judge Me." So if you ever read that, just want you to know so I'm not committing plagiarism.

But anyway, let's watch this little brat fall under guilt, MUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH- *coughs repeatedly *.

Invader Derp Productions Presents

"A Talk With God"

(IF YOU DON'T LIKE ANTI-GAZ AND GONNA HATE ON ME ON IT, I'D JUST LIKE TO TELL YOU THAT I DO NOT CARE WHATEVER YOU SAY AT ALL!)

Membrane Household

It was Sunday, and Gaz was aggressively mashing the buttons on her GameSlave.

"COME ON YOU, PIGGY BOSS! I JUST WANT TO DESTROY YOU!" Gaz yelled.

Dib walked into the living room with some semi-formal clothing and said, "Hey Gaz, I'll be at church."

"Why do you believe in that nerd with sandals or something, anyway?" Gaz asked.

"Because, Gaz, God created everything around us, that thing you have in your ha-"

"Don't you mean my GameSlave?" Gaz asked.

"Yes, but why don't you believe in Him?" Dib said.

"Because I don't want to make this controversial because we're being pro-Christian," Gaz said.

"Gaz, I obviously know that's fake," Dib said.

Gaz sighed and paused her game, "This world is filled with stupid annoying idiots like you who just want to believe that something can exist that is powerful and smart."

Dib sighed. He should've known by now that Gaz only believed in two things - pizza and games. He left the house.

Doomsville Church

The priest did the last note on his Christian song and said, "Now that we have finished 158 minutes of singing, let's actually pray about something now!"

Then the priest did a prayer that they did every Sunday, but Dib decided to ignore this one; he decided to do a prayer of his own.

Heaven

An angel was carrying a heavy bag filled with mail marked "Prayers" slowly because of the weight of the bag. He then met with God, who was so mighty you couldn't see his face.

"Ah, hello Clyde, how do you do?" God greeted.

"Bag… so… HEAVY!" Clyde said. He then collapsed under the weight of the bag.

God floated several of the prayers to him and read them, "Junk, junk, junk, ooo a little girl, how sweet, troll, junk, junk, oh what's this?"

Hello God, I want to help my sister strengthen her faith in you, she believes you're some fake nerd in sandals, can you show her more?

"This was from Dib, I like that big headed boy," God said, "Clyde, have my son read these."

Clyde sighed, and then called out, "Jesus, you have some messages!"

"I got something to do that I should've done a long time ago," God said to himself.

Membrane Household

Gaz walked first through the door, with a smile. Then Dib followed slowly behind, being injured, groaning in agony.

"Gaz, I think you hurt me so much that I can't remember why you beat me up. Why did you beat me up again?" Dib said.

"Because, Dib, you took the batteries from my GameSlave!" Gaz said.

"I was borrowing them so I could use them for a device I can expose Zim with," Dib said.

"It's ALL about Zim now, isn't it!? Always have to be annoying me with your stupid obsessions."

"Gaz- OOOOOOW, I was going to put them back," Dib said.

Gaz didn't respond and walked upstairs. She was reading a magazine in her room, and she was kinda sleepy. Then she fell asleep.

Heaven

Gaz woke up in a place filled with holy-looking buildings and said, "I must've died, I deserved to go to Heaven after all, Controversial Kid was wrong."

"Oh no, Gaz," said a voice. Gaz turned around and saw two guards with holy like armor, "If you had died, you would've gone to the other place."

"Hell?"

"Yes." They then picked up Gaz's arms and took her into a godlike castle.

"YOU TWO DON'T SCARE ME! GET OFF OF ME!" Gaz yelled, as she tried to kick them.

"Don't get feisty, you want the cleanest conscious when you're about to talk with God," One of them said.

"He doesn't exist!" Gaz said, but then the guards threw her into the throne room.

"Hello Gaz, I'm the man you never believed in," God said.

"Ronald?"

"No."

"Mick?"

"No."

"Donald?

"No!"

"Ronald McDonald?"

"NO, I AM GOD!"

"I was gonna say that next. Anyway, why the hell am I here you ba-"

"Woah, language, girls your age shouldn't be saying that."

"I can say what I want, God, and you can-"

God made a pinching movement with his hand, and Gaz suddenly couldn't speak.

"I made your mouth, Gaz, and I can control it too," God explained, and then stopped pinching.

"If you can control it, how come YOU made me say that," Gaz asked.

"Because, Gaz, you can control your mouth too, and never blame ME for your sins."

"Why am I here?" Gaz asked.

"Your brother Dib wanted me to help strengthen your faith in me."

"Dib!?" Gaz said, clutching her fist, "WHY DOES HE ALWAYS HAVE TO ANNOY ME!"

"Dib isn't the reason you're here, YOU ARE THE REASON YOU'RE HERE!" God yelled, "YOU OFTEN COMMIT 5 OF THE 7 DEADLY SINS!"

"What are they?" Gaz asked.

"They are," God spoke faster, "sloth, envy, wrath, pride, and gluttony."

"How come you're trying to make me feel the way YOU want me to feel?"

God snapped his fingers, and a mirror appeared. Gaz walked in front of it. In front of her was something to hideous that it could not be described in any way, it was that ugly.

"How come I look like some monster?" Gaz asked.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE A MONSTER, GAZ!" God said.

Gaz looked at her arms, "I'm not a monster…"

"On the outside, but on the inside, you're an ugly beast!" God said.

Gaz cleared her throat, "How am I a monster?"

"I've had enough of this… you're trying to prove YOU'RE in the right, and I'M in the wrong. What is this, some kind of Squidward Torture P*** SpongeBob episode?" God said, "But nevertheless, I'll show you!"

"I bet I'll be a great person in those videos."

In between throat clearing coughs, God said, "Pride."

In the first video, on God's fancy holy screen, Gaz was about 3 years old, without her skull necklace from her now dead aunt, and wearing a purple bow.

"Hey Dib!" Little Gaz said.

"Yes, Gaz?" 4-year old Dib asked.

"I made pie for you!" Little Gaz said. Gaz in the present was looking at God with a smirk.

"Thanks Gaz!" Little Dib said. Little Dib ate a piece of the pie, but then he start coughing up mud. Little Gaz laughed at him coughing.

"See Gaz, you are a monster!" God said.

"I-I-I was 3! I didn't know any better!" Gaz said.

"Okay, let's go forward three years in the future!" God said; he wanted to prove this little brat wrong.

In the video it was Christmas, and 6 year old Gaz was sitting at the tree with a bat.

"Oh come on, I was at a tree, it was Christmas, I was opening up gifts," Gaz said.

"No, in this video it is 5:00 A.M. in the morning!"

Little Gaz got a present that belonged to Dib, but then she started destroying it for no reason.

"You see Gaz! You knew better! YOU ARE A MONSTER!"

"I-I-I am a monster…"

"Now, Gaz! Until you can become a better person! You shall be damned!"

"No, no, NOOOOOO!"

Earth

Dib was trying to wake up a moaning Gaz so they could eat dinner.

"Huh?" Gaz said as she woke up.

"Gaz, it's going to be dinner soon, but I probably won't live to see it now that I woke you up," Dib said.

"Dib… I had a talk with… God."

"I guess that maybe explains why I'm not dead."

"Yeah, well, thanks, I'll maybe be a bit nicer from now on."


End file.
